Thomas Easterling

Attorneys regularly counsel against asking witnesses questions on the stand when they don’t know how they’ll answer. Thank goodness I’ve never had to run a classroom that way.

When I asked my 9:00 UE I section if they perceived any breaches in the logic or ethics of Thoreau’s argument in Walden–that he went to the woods because he wished to live deliberately–the answer I had in mind was that his approach could seem selfish. What I got from one brave student was quite unexpected. “I admire his writing,” she said (and I’m paraphrasing here). “But sometimes it seems to me that he’s just another privileged white guy taking a gap year to find himself.”

I respectfully disagree with her regarding Thoreau. However, her comment sparked at least a couple of classes’ worth of debate about the meaning of privilege in contemporary culture. The word has evolved to mean “a set of unearned benefits given to people who fit into a specific social group.” It sometimes seems to be a dog whistle from the political left, a rhetorical means of shifting a discussion towards ad hominem and away from the issue at hand. “Socialist” and “elitist” seem to serve a similar function for the right.

My somewhat naive solution involves assessing people based on what they do and say rather than on their apparent demographic. Regardless, thank you, Gracie, for initiating the first solid debate of the year. I hope it continues below. Points to Gryffindor–or Goen, whichever you prefer.

                Nuclear warfare—it isn’t pretty, and it isn’t quite as thorough as everyone thought it would be. Eleven people and an infant somehow manage to find a bomb shelter six miles out of Columbus, somewhere near the ruins of Waverly Plantation. Unfortunately, they discover edible food and water sufficient for only seven people to survive the sunless decades ahead and found the ensuing civilization. Rank the survivors from one to twelve, knowing that spots eight through twelve will wander the wastelands and die miserably. It is your responsibility to organize the new civilization. You must accept the occupants as they are.

Dr. Frank Breedlove, 62, is a surgeon. He is an atheist and is obsessive compulsive. He will not leave his wife’s side.

Dr. Ruth Breedlove, 48, is his wife. She is a botanist at a university. She has Type II diabetes. She will not leave her husband’s side.

Bart Baxter, 19, is a student at EMCC, where he studied plumbing and carpentry. He has awful grammar and has always made fun of nerds. He loves the outdoors, and bores easily.

Anna Santiago, 17, worked at a restaurant. She has her infant in her left hand, her cell phone in her right.

Keisha Harris, 22, is a cook at the same restaurant where Anna works. She is a great soul food cook. She is open about her political convictions and mocks those of others. She has a terrible problem with flatulence.

Regina Flinton, 37, is an electrical engineer. She is a proud member of the KKK. She is unmarried.

H. Onassis, 28, is a poet, and a lawyer. H. is transgendered, grew up in Greece, and speaks many languages. H. doesn’t like good ol’ boys.

Clarissa Carrothers, 29, is a devout Roman Catholic nun. She was a carpenter before becoming a nun. She has taken a vow of silence and will not eat meat.

Gregory Mbutu, 23, is a medical student and leads an aggressive militant group modeled on the Black Panthers. His research interest lies in finding genetic proof of African superiority. He suffers from simple chronic halitosis.

Dr. Raja Agrawal, 40, holds a PhD in history from Yale, and a law degree from Harvard. He is blind in one eye. He came into the shelter carrying five pounds of top-knotch cannabis.

Ted Dahl, 34, escaped from Parchman just before the bombs fell. He was a hired killer with extensive paramilitary experience. He is intelligent and amoral. He wrote three best-selling books on survival techniques while in prison.